I believe it is safe to say that a lot of our culture is concerned with competition. Competition for objects of enjoyment, resources (food, housing, money), grades/education, jobs, recognition, promotions/power, friends, and so on.
In the early days of our entrepreneurship, we also implemented this way of thinking because it was what we were used to. We asked ourselves, “How can we differentiate from the rest? What makes us unique? Are we offering something that people want?” We had already accepted that by nature of being in business, we were automatically in competition with everyone else offering a similar service. When we began homeschooling, we asked ourselves, “What are we supposed to be teaching? Does our curriculum still somewhat match what others are learning?” We knew we would be teaching some different facts than what the public schools taught, but we figured we would still have to teach the same type of subjects. After all, the girls will one day enter the world of adult competition for work and resources, they need to be as prepared as possible.
In hindsight, we were giving away our personal power by deciding our worth and how we educated our children based on what others were doing, achieving, and deciding.
As uncomfortable as that was to face, it became really empowering to realize that we actually did not have to compete with anyone! We only needed to get used to reevaluating our perspective. Instead of being concerned with what others were doing or what we thought we should be offering, we asked ourselves if we were offering what we wanted to and if it aligned with our skills and where we saw ourselves in the future. We asked ourselves what we felt was important for our children to learn and we still ask them often what they are interested in learning about.
Sidenote: I am only describing what our evaluation of integrating family and self-employment looked like. A lot of people are self-employed and send their children to public, private, or other organized schools or do not have any children at all and are perhaps within the category of the “others” I mentioned we were comparing ourselves to. Not everyone has the same type of people they compare themselves to. I do not intend any disrespect against any group, I only intend to illustrate our transformation. I encourage readers to self-evaluate whether you compare yourself to others, who you tend to compare yourself to, and whether that comparison is serving you.
If the girls went to public school, it might be simpler to plan daily work days around that regular schedule. However, it is our priority to homeschool and so we cannot spend every single week day working during the day like other professionals in our field. We also learned the hard way that it is impossible for us to spend every single week day focusing on homeschooling attempting to accomplish that goal as well. So instead of trying to make our homeschooling days look like or sound like what was expected, we had to make a change to the calendar.
We decided to split the week- three days focused on learning, three days focused on work, with the last day of the week available for rest, play, or work- whatever might be needed. Aside from recently coming to appreciate the need for additional, independent learning activities the girls can do as “homework” on non-school days, this schedule has served us for quite some time now.
If you have children, how do YOU blend your self-employment schedule with their educational needs?
In recent months we also made a huge life change for the sake of both our family AND our business. We sold our home and vehicles, bought a truck and a pull-behind camper, and put our family on the road- we are all so excited for this! From a business perspective, we open ourselves up to be in contact with more people wherever we can travel. We broaden our potential client base. We look forward to being able to be of service to as many people as possible! When we first talked about doing this, we knew we had to consult everyone in the family about how they would feel about that. That decision could not only be about the business. Our children have friends that they would have to say goodbye to, learn how to maintain long-distance friendships with, and have the challenge of making new friends during travel. It was asking a lot, but with the efforts we have made and lines of communication we have opened up have been serving us so far. Though some tears have been shed, they have been happy with the transition!
When we considered the family in our decision, we became excited with the opportunities we would have for quality experiences together, field trips, extending our children’s independence and range of life experiences, the sights we would see, the people we would meet, and how it might be different living as people of the nation not just of Fredericksburg, Virginia.
If you have children, how do YOU combine attending to your business with attending to the social, emotional, and other needs of your children?
We also knew that going on the road meant less opportunities than we already had for quality time together as a couple- no trusted babysitter, family friend, or family member for hundreds of miles. It is important to us to separate our work schedule from our family and personal schedules. This is where we reevaluated and restructured what extending independence to our girls looks like and making sure to take advantage of quiet moments, cuddle opportunities, and our morning walks which we enjoy using to talk about last night’s dreams, an article we read, or where we might want to travel next.
We wear many hats as homeschool parenting entrepreneurs- it is easy to get lost in all the roles! However, we are also still partners and individuals . As I mentioned, it is important to us to separate our schedules and to also honor who we are as individuals. The more we fill our cups with what we need to be our best, the better off we will be to share ourselves with others.
How do YOU fill your own cup or still find time for your spouse or significant other when you are self-employed?
When it came to talking about responsibility, we found that we used language that focused on individual responsibility. “You need to learn to do certain things and be responsible for these other things because that’s yours, not mine, and eventually you will be responsible for yourself so you should learn” sort of language. We learned it wasn’t getting the results we were expecting and through the frustration we decided we needed to change our approach.
One of our recent homeschool lessons addressed differences in Individualist value systems versus Collectivist value systems. Basically, in the Individualist value system the Self is independent and separate from the group; in the Collectivist value system the Self is defined in terms of the relationship to the group. Before, the majority of our language reflected the Individualist value. Without enough emphasis on the Collective value, the motivation for action could not be nurtured. Now we aim for the best of both worlds. We changed our language to stop referencing responsibilities as individual “chores” and started focusing on how the tasks we were each responsible for were an important personal choice as well as a benefit for our family group as a whole.
For us, Nathan is our preferred chef. First, because he prefers to cook. Second, because we all prefer him to cook also! So he is largely responsible for preparing and cooking meals. I am taller than our girls and can handle the larger dishes better with larger hands; so it is easier for me to be largely responsible for washing the dishes. The girls can reach the dry dishes and where they are stored, so once the dishes are dry, the girls are responsible for putting them away. We all like to eat and have a dish to cook or eat on, so we accept our roles and perform them for not just our own good, but also for our group, our family.
Before, we addressed chores such as helping with the dishes as an expectation to help because the task had been assigned to them. Now, we explain how they fill a role in the process of having clean dishes and point out how they personally benefit from them putting the dishes away so they have started to become personally vested in performing their dish task. I think that for them to see how we as parents are also active participants in the process, it fits the kid criteria for “fair” which reduces the amount of interpersonal friction.
Within our family, we aim to not lead ourselves to believe we can do everything alone nor do we want to see anyone lose themselves in sacrifice just to be a part of the family. A blending of both personal and group identity is healthy and a healthy ego is important to develop confidence and recognize that you can achieve what you put your mind to.
How do YOU manage personal and household responsibilities?
I hope these questions help you to think about the ways to blend family life and self-employment. I wish for you blending success!
Kirsten